oct. 19, 2026
This morning, the conditions were finally perfect to put the board in the ocean and me with it. It was still morning and the water was flowing forth. My brother-in-law joined me on the beach and as safe buddy while I was in the water. Before going all in, I felt the pull to go swim in the water, like an introduction bath. The reason why wasn’t clear, but I decided to go nonetheless and trust this call. After a few minutes in the water, I found myself asking spontaneously and directly to the ocean “Could I ride you? Could I ride your waves?”. No answer, that I could perceive. I wondered for a few seconds “You asked for permission, what if you don’t get any? Will you not go surf? Will you respect that or will you march in like most humans do as if all things on earth belonged to them? Will you honor her ‘no’?”. I started walking towards the shore, when I saw my brother-in-law by the water, waving and trying to communicate with me in obvious ways, pointing at something behind me. When I turned around, I was surprised by dolphins, a few feet away from me, swimming, reaching the surface. “There, you have your answer. Go play.”. I felt ecstatic. I was jumping, screaming “woo hoo”, while waving my arms up in the air and to the dolphins, cheering them on. It was exhilarating. I couldn’t believe what was happening and the divine timing of it all. I felt like a child who saw something so very impressive, for the first time. I felt part of the tapestry of life. I felt that I belonged.
Assured that I was granted a gentle permission, I went and got my board and myself back in the water. And I started paddling out, until I was far enough that I wasn’t taken into the turmoil of the perpetual waves crashing ashore, which was pretty far out. Everything seemed small and part of another world by the shore. Nonetheless, I still had to paddle constantly to stay out there, and to make sure I would remain on the board, safely. It was a lot of effort. I was scared. I could feel the tension in my body, the tension of humility in order for me to stay alive. I was out there, alone, above the silent depths and within the belly of Mother Ocean. And I could feel the fear at the surface of my psyche, so I decided it was best to start talking about it to Mother Ocean. I told her how I had so many fears and how I was so tired of being fearful all the time. How I wanted to bring in more lightness, more joy and playfulness in my life, just like the dolphins had done mere minutes before, right in front of my eyes. I started crying, shedding the life I didn’t want to lead anymore and the different choices I wanted to take from then on. I tried to surrender and trust this odyssey, taking in the dolphins latent energy from earlier and how this is an inherent part of Mother Ocean. In this moment that felt out of time, Mother Ocean showed me and made me feel how my womb was also the ocean. The vastness, depth, love, peace, quietness, resourcefulness, joy, playfulness. Joy in my belly, joy in my womb. And how I could embody it all. I could feel the ocean in my womb, and I welcomed this sensation with gratitude, feeling the healing powers that this was offering.
I asked her about boundaries, I asked her how she could be so soft and ferocious at the same time and how I felt I wanted to incarnate that. How I wanted my heart to remain open in this world, with the most gentleness, and how I also was in dire need of stronger boundaries and holding my ground, to be respected, not negotiated. The constant paddling, for direction and safety, kept me humble during this conversation, Mother Ocean was showing me a version of what it is like to be soft and unfuckwithable, all at the same time. She said humans need to come back to humility, especially when conversing with elements and beings. Humility is respect. Because they could indeed be easily swallowed up. Wherever they are. Ocean, Grand Canyon, elsewhere.
After an extended conversation and enough tears shed, I realized “I think I am ready to go back now, this feels complete.”. By the most gentle and mysterious unfolding, my board caught a wave, despite the distance separating me from the shore, and tenderly carried me towards the beach. No one was really in the water at this time of the day, but I somehow landed next to two children and their mother playing in a few inches of water, a really sweet scene that brought warmth to my heart. The mother said to them “Look, there she is!” while pointing at me. The children waved at me and said hello, I asked them if they were having a good time in the water. I guess they had been watching me paddling, through the depths of my soul with Mother Ocean as guide, from the shore.
This had been an eventful morning, and yet at this point I didn’t realize it had just begun. After dropping off my board to our established location on the beach, I felt this strange pull to go back in the water right away, I felt energized, almost electric from this pull. Once more, I executed, not asking for logical explanation, but trusting whatever process was unfolding. As I entered the water, a couple tried to catch my attention, shouting a few feet away, until I got closer. “There’s a shark in the water!” the man said. I asked: “Did you see its fin? What color was it?”, “I don’t know, we didn’t see a fin.” he said. Trying to bring them some peace, I told them how dolphins had been pretty activate this morning and how this could very much be dolphins, since they didn’t seem to have seen anything more specific that would confirm a shark sighting. I felt at peace and confident. However, they were both looking pretty startled and it got me thinking too. The human contagion. So I decided to stay about where I was in the water, not going further, but asking Mother Ocean “Sooo, is this a fear test? Am I supposed to defy my fears, pretend I didn’t hear anything, knowing I’ll be held and safe, or is it more of a safety situation? Is this a test to see if I can fully surrender after our exchange earlier?”. For a while I stayed there, discussing, wondering. I couldn’t reach any clarity, any clear answer from my intuition. That’s when Mother Ocean said “You see? Fear obstructs clarity. When you are in fear, you cannot use your other guiding senses and there is nothing you can do about that.”. After this exchange, I realized; who defines that this is a fearsome or worrisome situation? Who defines that there is danger? Human psychosis? When this is simply a shark being a shark, swimming in the ocean, like millions of other fish, and feeding, with literally zero reason to attack humans. I felt sadness for the shark, not being seen for what they simply are, and the energy and profound wisdom they carry. And I asked Mother Ocean if sharks were also part of her clear boundaries.
After coming out of the water, I was exchanging with my brother-in-law and partner about what had just happened, and how I thought this Hollywoodian fear didn’t have a place here, when my partner exclaims “Shark!” pointing to a wave in the ocean. One steady fin passing by peacefully.
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